i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Fuck appropriateness.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
