I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize