dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
