Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize