Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
