I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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