there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
