I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
