do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
