i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
