Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
