whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
