i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
