sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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