Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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