I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
