Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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