The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
