....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I haven't been this sober since birth.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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