i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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