oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
