I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
