Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think people are normalizing furries
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
