i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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