its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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