Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
