pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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