Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
