There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
