who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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