Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Randomize
