I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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