Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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