On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
