Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
