Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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