You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
