he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
