YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
