I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
