I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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