well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
