I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
