Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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