That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
