he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
