How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
not ubering you a puppy
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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