Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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