: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
