you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
