after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize