hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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