I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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