what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
