I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
