Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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