We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize