how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
