Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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