hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
