I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
