And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
