my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize