YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
