I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
