just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
