He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
