so explain again why im purple
no
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
